『修身齊家治國平天下』
這可我用來總結這幾天的心得
20110708
我早就知道我這天要離開台灣
前一天依然在外頭瘋狂
是很開心沒錯，年輕人就是熱血的感覺
可是我沒有算好時間，收拾的動作時進行到最後一分鐘
然後很狼狽的丟下亂髒髒的房間跑到大路
叫了小黃，就直接說到機場吧！
怡慧，你瘋了嗎？
幸虧，一路上和那很好聊的司機，從自己年的科系到爸媽到政治
聊得很開心……（當然陌生人我也不會把重要的透露啦）
然後下車時，表上顯示超過1000不少，我其實當下很後悔
以為時間不夠，結果還相當充裕
不過司機說了一句：
今天跟你聊得很開心，收你1000好了，希望後會有期，馬來西亞未來就靠你了……
哈哈……總算把我後悔的心小小的tam了下XD
其實我沒那麼偉大，只是把我對自己、家、國的想法說了一下而已
匆忙之下，之前向好的買小禮物的動作也忘了
為了手提行李的事情，緊張的半條命不見了
8點多起床，勞動勞動我很佩服竟然到了1點多（快2點）check in過後才吃東西……
上了飛機，發現自己真的少帶了很多東西，只能安慰自己說
都不重要的，沒關係=[
經驗，有時候是真的要賠上很多本才能換回來的
自己不夠檢點，自己不乖，沒辦法……
準備接受自己的後悔吧～！
20110709
BERS√H!!!!!!
嗯嗯，剛回到家，很不習慣這裡的網路，結果上網上到2點多才睡覺……
結果……中午1點多才被叫醒……
說好了就這樣，趕緊把手機充電然後洗澡吃飯出門了
別以為我是去集會的，爸媽不給的！
我現在是乖乖跟著媽媽去AKASHA幫忙行前準備……
結果！
塞車塞了3小時！而且都在同一個地方！
心情開始時很能諒解，就說反正閒著沒事幹，就開電台，然後上0.facebook update下近態
到最後就beh tahan了，加上尿急……
差點都要爆炸，情緒和膀胱都是
最後還是抵達目的地，但是擔心塞車，結果事情做完了還是拖到9點多才離開
我的媽呀，累死了！
回來上網，陸續更新+看了許多相關報導、錄影、消息
是氣憤、是難過、是欣慰、是……
不滿政府、不滿警察、不滿鎮爆隊也不滿紅衣軍團
說好的和平呢？這不是中國報應該放的標題，而是人民心中的疑問
是無語問蒼天的那種！
人民不渴望和平嗎？誰說的？
我們交了稅，沒有獲得你們的保障和保護，反而得到水泡+催淚彈的伺候
誰甘心？！
就算醫院說沒事情，你把水泡往你所謂『示威者』聚集的地方射，而且那時醫院你就是不對
你們先使用暴力，就是不對
其實
我不喜歡有政黨介入這次的淨選盟，因為他們會模糊焦點
會搞聲勢，然後會讓事情變得不單純……
我是這樣認為，可是似乎沒辦法避免這一切的發生
是的，要說有不滿、不完美
3天3夜都說不完
但這真的是一個很好的開始
就算不是完美、好的成功，但至少做了
種子若能繼續萌芽，就是成功了
用一個人的力量不能，但是慢慢的影響身邊的人，漸漸的一切也不是不可能的事情了！
很……啊！
大推：台北站BERSIH集會之唱國歌VIDEO！
這是我share video寫的一段文字：聽到嗎？我們還在中小學的時候，唱國歌或許從來沒認真過，但是長大了，在國外，你聽到嗎？唱的國歌，是激情的、是愛國的、是憤怒的、也是充滿渴望自由的！
在台灣的你們，good job！
算了，隨著這一片部落格結束，我不想再用BERSIH來刷自己的牆了！
而且爸爸媽媽有說了，叫我不要在網路上亂說話，顯然他們在擔心
有時候滿腔憤怒想想也是說了沒人聽……只是發洩情緒……？啊～兩難！
有時，腦海裡會有這麼一個問題
如果有一天被逼做這樣的選擇，我該選擇當父母的乖孩子，還是對得起自己良心的公民？
20110710
淨選盟集會落幕……
精神還在媒體間、網路上沸騰的當兒
我參加了AKASHA一年一度的大會
第八屆『改變從我開始』分享大會：愛是一家學習成長
這次我當計時員，哈哈，比起去年今年的工作和大會內容算輕鬆很多
當然，還是有學習的！
不管是馮以量的分享、林老師他們的分享還是凱元一家的分享等等……
看到的是心中與家的愛能改變一個人、一個家庭、一個關係
然後我也想到了
是不是，孔子說的沒錯
一個社會的步驟就應該是
修身齊家治國平天下
最開始的沒做好，怎能完成後面的呢？
哦不，不可思議的我突然覺得老古董的話很好套用在這裡
就算讀中文系，我有時還是覺得，就思想不能完全用在現在，一定要改良
可是現在看起來，好像真能解釋了……
哦，姑且告訴自己，不去想了，夜深了，這就是古人的智慧吧！
哈哈！
心情沒第一時間寫下來，真的是浪費的！
哈哈～
不開心的事情終究要結束
老天爺啊，請你賜給我和朋友們都有面對、處理事情正面的力量
當天色變得灰暗，總要有太陽升起的。
想念台灣的一切了，包括親愛的你們，朋友。
怎麼我的家，我還要去習慣呢？
不習慣的徵兆，讓我很懊惱，很害怕感覺自己真的在外面太久了，是嗎？
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
再會!! (EMO+ing)
我不知道我在忙什麼，忙得好久都沒有更新！
考試週結束後就是暑假，結果暑假的第一星期我好“忙”……
星期五晚上：
中文系期末送舊家聚（溫馨+開心）
星期六中午：
改選委員檢討會議
星期一、星期二：
暑舞營（學了就忘記的國標舞其實還蠻好玩的）
星期三：
翹掉了暑舞營，跟大一聯跑去九份玩
不懂為什麼，似乎沒感到什麼只是在走路的出遊，我卻覺得很開心，謝謝雋彥撐傘啊
星期四、星期五：
就這樣前一天才決定然後一個人跑去埔里找雅鷹
謝謝雅鷹
感受到了台灣的山間生活，
我喜歡感受晚上的日月潭喜歡看看早上的日月潭
就這樣，暑假第一星期“忙”死了XD
話說回來……
我要離開台灣了……
下午3點多的飛機……
我現在還沒收拾到一半
突然間覺得先來blogging好了
剛剛前往711拿紙箱的時候，我開始EMO了
突然覺得
我要離開了，然後很捨不得一下下
很累還要收拾，不過這是犯賤的結果
大一好像就真的真的完全劃下不能修改的據點
當然，時間過去了本來就沒辦法回頭、重複
大一聯的你們，我真的覺得我會很想念你們，怎麼辦？
中毒了嗎？
漸漸的，你們像是我在台灣生活的一分子
然後我的吃喝玩樂、吐學業上的苦的大部分時間都是跟你們的……
oh no!!!
為了不影響我收拾、睡眠時間，我沒辦法一一說出我的想法
但是，真的
我有點捨不得你們
雖然感覺好像沒有離開家人那麼強烈
可是也出乎自己的意料了！
只能說
你們怎麼那麼強？@@"
回國的前夕
早上在忙申請學程的事情，結果還是把一團糟的東西submit過去
希望審核的人不要吐血並錄取我（貪心）
中午就跟磊靖、曼佳、abak、青媚、宣宇去唱K
Oh Yeah，新聚點，贊啊！
雖然曲目還是比msia少，可是整個感覺就是高級太多了！
價錢因為是平日還算相當合理
我都在亂唱，雖然會很多歌一下，因為去的都是歌唱好手
亂唱亂喊應該屬我第一，因為亂到一個點><
沒關係，開心就好=]
然後約了傑浩、謹佩去吃辣辣的印尼晚餐
爽到！～～～
我又成功讓人吃到感動到一把眼淚一把鼻涕XD
真的……
好開心！
除了吃的感動吃得開心，一起聊天也很開心
沒辦法，一個好學姐一個好學長:P
然後然後……
去師大夜市買袋子，再去吃冰
真的很感謝雋彥請客啦，超有心的，答應過就會“努力”找時間！
大丈夫一言既出……
韋小寶曰：什麼馬難追@@"
還有謹佩、艷潔、嘉寧、傑康
一起吃冰……
為什麼跟你們在一就是覺得很歡樂，就算被“欺負”……><
難怪我會捨不得吧……？
然後回到宿舍
一些事情讓我很內疚……
對不起，真的對不起，辛苦了！
哎呀
語無倫次ing
好，繼續收拾
啊～～～
真的！
怎麼那麼快一切真的就結束了！
不是，不能說時間不等我
是我犯賤
什麼事情都是這樣
該死，這就是犯賤的結果！
anyway
感謝99年度曾經一起相處的你們
啦啦啦啦～
我親愛的馬來西亞，請你和平點、公平點！
我回去過暑假的，不要給我多多嘢！
一句話：
以民為貴！
啊啊～
馬來西亞……
啊啊～
台灣……
什麼跟什麼
我真的……算了><
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
害怕的事
害怕的事情很多
在生活中真的有太多
可是不能因此而卻步
因為有時候
更害怕的是『後悔』
暑假開始了
所以呢？
煩惱也開始了
哦不，為什麼是煩惱？
因為是自找的。
為了收拾而煩惱
為了去玩而煩惱
為了蟲蟲而煩惱
為了室友而煩惱
為了……
煩惱無窮盡
haiz！
理了頭髮
去了福隆
曬了太陽
黑了皮膚
發了脾氣
丟了時間
砸了金錢
賠了精神
有了夢想
這一次……
我還要更努力
不敢規劃真的是因為害怕的事情很多
在生活中真的有太多
可是不能因此而卻步
因為有時候
更害怕的是『後悔』
暑假開始了
所以呢？
煩惱也開始了
哦不，為什麼是煩惱？
因為是自找的。
為了收拾而煩惱
為了去玩而煩惱
為了蟲蟲而煩惱
為了室友而煩惱
為了……
煩惱無窮盡
haiz！
理了頭髮
去了福隆
曬了太陽
黑了皮膚
發了脾氣
丟了時間
砸了金錢
賠了精神
有了夢想
這一次……
我還要更努力
不敢規劃真的是因為害怕的事情很多
Sunday, June 19, 2011
[just sharing]Good essay: What the Modern Woman Wants.
Singapore girl wins Commonwealth essay prize!
You will be amazed at the maturity of this 15-year old girl. It's worthwhile
taking 5 mins to read this essay.
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- 18-year-olds, has won the top
prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries...
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls'
School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece
on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled "What The Modern Woman Wants," focused on the conflict
in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-vs-West struggles and
generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,'
said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a
lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical
critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The
writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in
2000, said Britain
's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the
competition since 1883. Singaporeans also came in second in the 14 to
15-year-old category, and fourth in the under-12s. Other winners included
students from Australia , Canada and South Africa.
===================================================
What the Modern Woman Wants...
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down
the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be
kidnapped by the wind.
She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused
fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very
clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile
phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.
'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.
Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was
speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in
disapproval......
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed
agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured
fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and
hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the
forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and
handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin.
'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was
thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic
look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which
broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'
Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her
daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking',
Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to
the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her
daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in
defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost
garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof.
The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main
hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and
reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not
bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down
solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
'Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years.
Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in
this world could possibly want.
'She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too
clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich
and handsome angmoh man.
'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots
while reaping the harvest of success.
'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room
in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I
affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old
mother. It is my fault.'
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her
head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of
smoldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the
temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and
adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband
had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or
carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her
waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything
she ever wanted.
Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to
depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman,
the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become.
A woman with 'neng kan
'; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman
who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak,
precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up
and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied
her, calling her laotu, old fashioned.... She wanted her mother to be 'modern',
a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had
prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the
wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and
now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by
only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that
of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet
her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could
find happiness with much less.
When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing.
People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would
be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper
convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers
for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her
daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at
the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there –
down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of
beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshiping
porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of
ceramic to fly to her aid?
But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that
she enslaved to and worshiped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshiped counted for
nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life
out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.
The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey
stem that was on the danger of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the
east bone a final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much
that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter
outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her
daughter's face.
An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants
looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the
highway, this time not too fast as she had done before.
‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been
talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market
is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for
it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a
perfect one in Orchard Road
. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid
of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard.
'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once
the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully
lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be
space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for
you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home
and a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.
'I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with
gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you,
you'd be happier
there. You'd be happier there, really.' her daughter repeated as if to affirm
herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly
to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from
a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat,
letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma,' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is
everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done.
'Yes' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,'
she added more quietly.
‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I
already got the maid to pack your things.'
Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated.
Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier...
She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of
happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted;
money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the
message, still beaming from ear to ear.
'Stock 10% increase.'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for
the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in
the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.
You will be amazed at the maturity of this 15-year old girl. It's worthwhile
taking 5 mins to read this essay.
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- 18-year-olds, has won the top
prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries...
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls'
School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece
on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled "What The Modern Woman Wants," focused on the conflict
in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-vs-West struggles and
generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,'
said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a
lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical
critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The
writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in
2000, said Britain
's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the
competition since 1883. Singaporeans also came in second in the 14 to
15-year-old category, and fourth in the under-12s. Other winners included
students from Australia , Canada and South Africa.
===================================================
What the Modern Woman Wants...
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down
the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be
kidnapped by the wind.
She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused
fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very
clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile
phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.
'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.
Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was
speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in
disapproval......
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed
agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured
fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and
hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the
forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and
handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin.
'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was
thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic
look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which
broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'
Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her
daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking',
Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to
the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her
daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in
defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost
garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof.
The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main
hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and
reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not
bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down
solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
'Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years.
Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in
this world could possibly want.
'She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too
clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich
and handsome angmoh man.
'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots
while reaping the harvest of success.
'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room
in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I
affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old
mother. It is my fault.'
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her
head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of
smoldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the
temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and
adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband
had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or
carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her
waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything
she ever wanted.
Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to
depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman,
the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become.
A woman with 'neng kan
'; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman
who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak,
precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up
and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied
her, calling her laotu, old fashioned.... She wanted her mother to be 'modern',
a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had
prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the
wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and
now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by
only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that
of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet
her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could
find happiness with much less.
When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing.
People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would
be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper
convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers
for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her
daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at
the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there –
down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of
beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshiping
porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of
ceramic to fly to her aid?
But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that
she enslaved to and worshiped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshiped counted for
nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life
out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.
The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey
stem that was on the danger of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the
east bone a final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much
that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter
outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her
daughter's face.
An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants
looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the
highway, this time not too fast as she had done before.
‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been
talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market
is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for
it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a
perfect one in Orchard Road
. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid
of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard.
'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once
the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully
lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be
space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for
you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home
and a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.
'I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with
gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you,
you'd be happier
there. You'd be happier there, really.' her daughter repeated as if to affirm
herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly
to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from
a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat,
letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma,' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is
everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done.
'Yes' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,'
she added more quietly.
‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I
already got the maid to pack your things.'
Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated.
Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier...
She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of
happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted;
money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the
message, still beaming from ear to ear.
'Stock 10% increase.'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for
the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in
the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
[日月] 天 會 更 好·屬於我們的考前不眠夜
2011.06.16
這是我們的不眠夜
不把期末擺在眼前的不眠夜
雋彥
曾貞
億佳
艷潔
玉玲
德光
子傑
亮吟
鮮慧
康壯
宗量
坤賢
均豪
怡慧
為了什麼讓我們有個瘋狂的不眠夜
原本的目標已經不重要了
看不見的月全食
看不見的日出
我們不難過
因為
我們看見不一樣的青春！
話說原本是真的打算看月全食
據說全亞洲無論各地都看到，而且這次不看要等7年後
2011.06.16
0220
我們在總圖前面
一群沒耐性的小伙子
打算先去看螢火蟲
 |
| @台大農場…（像有雪花XD） |
螢火蟲是有看到幾隻
月亮說他不熬夜，躲在雲後面睡覺了
於是
我們決定去後山看日出
2011.06.16
0400(+-)
凌晨的台北
在不健康的時間我們一起做很健康的運動：
摸黑爬上福州山公園，到頂端
NON-STOP，開始流汗+喘氣
雋彥像是帶著小孩們的爸爸，走在前面
真的有爸爸的feel，結果大家都叫他爸爸XD
還有可愛的兔子造型手電筒
我們抹黑，真的是看著木製的樓梯，我有點害怕
前面好暗，像是在探險，不知道前面會發生什麼事情
路途中我們停下來拍照
也在擔心，會不會就冒出什麼影子
為什麼年輕人就是年輕人？
毫無計劃的，什麼也沒準備
就這樣夾著人字拖
一群人一起，從小山腳走到了小山頂
我們想要等日出
我也在等，20歲以後在台北看的日出
誰叫這是我滿20以後第一件瘋狂的事情。
其實我們都很累
其實我們還有期末考
其實我們還有很多在排隊的報告
可是我們此時此刻
就在小山頂上打擾2對閃光
然後席地而休息、聊天……
就這樣，天還是在毫不察覺的情況下亮了。
此時此刻
2011.06.16
0500(+-)
從天黑到天亮
我們……
對
是瘋狂的我們
看不見日出的過程
天在不知不覺中亮了。
早安，台北。
才5點多。
我想起遠方的馬來西亞，
這時候大概鄉下的人已經起床
或是伊斯蘭教徒也起床準備做功課了。
我們還是決定在合影後
下山面對期末的現實
沒有辦法
瘋狂只是為了展現青春和熱血
但正因為我們的青春也不是只為了玩
我們還要學習、考試
一整夜沒睡覺
很明顯，我的臉寫著：累
貞，你在幹嘛呢？哈
下山之前
為了讓我們的瘋狂、熱血、青春
更有朝氣和力量
我們一起為自己打氣
期末
加油加油加油！
我們要回宿舍咯！
總覺得這張照片會說話
他在告訴我們
這班熱血的青年
他們是可愛俏皮有活力的大一聯
說好的月全市、日出都看不到
沒關係
我們看見了我們的青春！
真的～
買不到新鮮的台大牛奶沒關係
爆肝了，也沒關係
那股熱血
在我們的體內來回串流著
也流到了FB來
先是宗量，再來是艷潔、子傑、玉玲、德光……
還有我：
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Monday, July 11, 2011
2011.07.10 國?家?
『修身齊家治國平天下』
這可我用來總結這幾天的心得
20110708
我早就知道我這天要離開台灣
前一天依然在外頭瘋狂
是很開心沒錯，年輕人就是熱血的感覺
可是我沒有算好時間，收拾的動作時進行到最後一分鐘
然後很狼狽的丟下亂髒髒的房間跑到大路
叫了小黃，就直接說到機場吧！
怡慧，你瘋了嗎？
幸虧，一路上和那很好聊的司機，從自己年的科系到爸媽到政治
聊得很開心……（當然陌生人我也不會把重要的透露啦）
然後下車時，表上顯示超過1000不少，我其實當下很後悔
以為時間不夠，結果還相當充裕
不過司機說了一句：
今天跟你聊得很開心，收你1000好了，希望後會有期，馬來西亞未來就靠你了……
哈哈……總算把我後悔的心小小的tam了下XD
其實我沒那麼偉大，只是把我對自己、家、國的想法說了一下而已
匆忙之下，之前向好的買小禮物的動作也忘了
為了手提行李的事情，緊張的半條命不見了
8點多起床，勞動勞動我很佩服竟然到了1點多（快2點）check in過後才吃東西……
上了飛機，發現自己真的少帶了很多東西，只能安慰自己說
都不重要的，沒關係=[
經驗，有時候是真的要賠上很多本才能換回來的
自己不夠檢點，自己不乖，沒辦法……
準備接受自己的後悔吧～！
20110709
BERS√H!!!!!!
嗯嗯，剛回到家，很不習慣這裡的網路，結果上網上到2點多才睡覺……
結果……中午1點多才被叫醒……
說好了就這樣，趕緊把手機充電然後洗澡吃飯出門了
別以為我是去集會的，爸媽不給的！
我現在是乖乖跟著媽媽去AKASHA幫忙行前準備……
結果！
塞車塞了3小時！而且都在同一個地方！
心情開始時很能諒解，就說反正閒著沒事幹，就開電台，然後上0.facebook update下近態
到最後就beh tahan了，加上尿急……
差點都要爆炸，情緒和膀胱都是
最後還是抵達目的地，但是擔心塞車，結果事情做完了還是拖到9點多才離開
我的媽呀，累死了！
回來上網，陸續更新+看了許多相關報導、錄影、消息
是氣憤、是難過、是欣慰、是……
不滿政府、不滿警察、不滿鎮爆隊也不滿紅衣軍團
說好的和平呢？這不是中國報應該放的標題，而是人民心中的疑問
是無語問蒼天的那種！
人民不渴望和平嗎？誰說的？
我們交了稅，沒有獲得你們的保障和保護，反而得到水泡+催淚彈的伺候
誰甘心？！
就算醫院說沒事情，你把水泡往你所謂『示威者』聚集的地方射，而且那時醫院你就是不對
你們先使用暴力，就是不對
其實
我不喜歡有政黨介入這次的淨選盟，因為他們會模糊焦點
會搞聲勢，然後會讓事情變得不單純……
我是這樣認為，可是似乎沒辦法避免這一切的發生
是的，要說有不滿、不完美
3天3夜都說不完
但這真的是一個很好的開始
就算不是完美、好的成功，但至少做了
種子若能繼續萌芽，就是成功了
用一個人的力量不能，但是慢慢的影響身邊的人，漸漸的一切也不是不可能的事情了！
很……啊！
大推：台北站BERSIH集會之唱國歌VIDEO！
這是我share video寫的一段文字：聽到嗎？我們還在中小學的時候，唱國歌或許從來沒認真過，但是長大了，在國外，你聽到嗎？唱的國歌，是激情的、是愛國的、是憤怒的、也是充滿渴望自由的！
在台灣的你們，good job！
算了，隨著這一片部落格結束，我不想再用BERSIH來刷自己的牆了！
而且爸爸媽媽有說了，叫我不要在網路上亂說話，顯然他們在擔心
有時候滿腔憤怒想想也是說了沒人聽……只是發洩情緒……？啊～兩難！
有時，腦海裡會有這麼一個問題
如果有一天被逼做這樣的選擇，我該選擇當父母的乖孩子，還是對得起自己良心的公民？
20110710
淨選盟集會落幕……
精神還在媒體間、網路上沸騰的當兒
我參加了AKASHA一年一度的大會
第八屆『改變從我開始』分享大會：愛是一家學習成長
這次我當計時員，哈哈，比起去年今年的工作和大會內容算輕鬆很多
當然，還是有學習的！
不管是馮以量的分享、林老師他們的分享還是凱元一家的分享等等……
看到的是心中與家的愛能改變一個人、一個家庭、一個關係
然後我也想到了
是不是，孔子說的沒錯
一個社會的步驟就應該是
修身齊家治國平天下
最開始的沒做好，怎能完成後面的呢？
哦不，不可思議的我突然覺得老古董的話很好套用在這裡
就算讀中文系，我有時還是覺得，就思想不能完全用在現在，一定要改良
可是現在看起來，好像真能解釋了……
哦，姑且告訴自己，不去想了，夜深了，這就是古人的智慧吧！
哈哈！
心情沒第一時間寫下來，真的是浪費的！
哈哈～
不開心的事情終究要結束
老天爺啊，請你賜給我和朋友們都有面對、處理事情正面的力量
當天色變得灰暗，總要有太陽升起的。
想念台灣的一切了，包括親愛的你們，朋友。
怎麼我的家，我還要去習慣呢？
不習慣的徵兆，讓我很懊惱，很害怕感覺自己真的在外面太久了，是嗎？
這可我用來總結這幾天的心得
20110708
我早就知道我這天要離開台灣
前一天依然在外頭瘋狂
是很開心沒錯，年輕人就是熱血的感覺
可是我沒有算好時間，收拾的動作時進行到最後一分鐘
然後很狼狽的丟下亂髒髒的房間跑到大路
叫了小黃，就直接說到機場吧！
怡慧，你瘋了嗎？
幸虧，一路上和那很好聊的司機，從自己年的科系到爸媽到政治
聊得很開心……（當然陌生人我也不會把重要的透露啦）
然後下車時，表上顯示超過1000不少，我其實當下很後悔
以為時間不夠，結果還相當充裕
不過司機說了一句：
今天跟你聊得很開心，收你1000好了，希望後會有期，馬來西亞未來就靠你了……
哈哈……總算把我後悔的心小小的tam了下XD
其實我沒那麼偉大，只是把我對自己、家、國的想法說了一下而已
匆忙之下，之前向好的買小禮物的動作也忘了
為了手提行李的事情，緊張的半條命不見了
8點多起床，勞動勞動我很佩服竟然到了1點多（快2點）check in過後才吃東西……
上了飛機，發現自己真的少帶了很多東西，只能安慰自己說
都不重要的，沒關係=[
經驗，有時候是真的要賠上很多本才能換回來的
自己不夠檢點，自己不乖，沒辦法……
準備接受自己的後悔吧～！
20110709
BERS√H!!!!!!
嗯嗯，剛回到家，很不習慣這裡的網路，結果上網上到2點多才睡覺……
結果……中午1點多才被叫醒……
說好了就這樣，趕緊把手機充電然後洗澡吃飯出門了
別以為我是去集會的，爸媽不給的！
我現在是乖乖跟著媽媽去AKASHA幫忙行前準備……
結果！
塞車塞了3小時！而且都在同一個地方！
心情開始時很能諒解，就說反正閒著沒事幹，就開電台，然後上0.facebook update下近態
到最後就beh tahan了，加上尿急……
差點都要爆炸，情緒和膀胱都是
最後還是抵達目的地，但是擔心塞車，結果事情做完了還是拖到9點多才離開
我的媽呀，累死了！
回來上網，陸續更新+看了許多相關報導、錄影、消息
是氣憤、是難過、是欣慰、是……
不滿政府、不滿警察、不滿鎮爆隊也不滿紅衣軍團
說好的和平呢？這不是中國報應該放的標題，而是人民心中的疑問
是無語問蒼天的那種！
人民不渴望和平嗎？誰說的？
我們交了稅，沒有獲得你們的保障和保護，反而得到水泡+催淚彈的伺候
誰甘心？！
就算醫院說沒事情，你把水泡往你所謂『示威者』聚集的地方射，而且那時醫院你就是不對
你們先使用暴力，就是不對
其實
我不喜歡有政黨介入這次的淨選盟，因為他們會模糊焦點
會搞聲勢，然後會讓事情變得不單純……
我是這樣認為，可是似乎沒辦法避免這一切的發生
是的，要說有不滿、不完美
3天3夜都說不完
但這真的是一個很好的開始
就算不是完美、好的成功，但至少做了
種子若能繼續萌芽，就是成功了
用一個人的力量不能，但是慢慢的影響身邊的人，漸漸的一切也不是不可能的事情了！
很……啊！
大推：台北站BERSIH集會之唱國歌VIDEO！
這是我share video寫的一段文字：聽到嗎？我們還在中小學的時候，唱國歌或許從來沒認真過，但是長大了，在國外，你聽到嗎？唱的國歌，是激情的、是愛國的、是憤怒的、也是充滿渴望自由的！
在台灣的你們，good job！
算了，隨著這一片部落格結束，我不想再用BERSIH來刷自己的牆了！
而且爸爸媽媽有說了，叫我不要在網路上亂說話，顯然他們在擔心
有時候滿腔憤怒想想也是說了沒人聽……只是發洩情緒……？啊～兩難！
有時，腦海裡會有這麼一個問題
如果有一天被逼做這樣的選擇，我該選擇當父母的乖孩子，還是對得起自己良心的公民？
20110710
淨選盟集會落幕……
精神還在媒體間、網路上沸騰的當兒
我參加了AKASHA一年一度的大會
第八屆『改變從我開始』分享大會：愛是一家學習成長
這次我當計時員，哈哈，比起去年今年的工作和大會內容算輕鬆很多
當然，還是有學習的！
不管是馮以量的分享、林老師他們的分享還是凱元一家的分享等等……
看到的是心中與家的愛能改變一個人、一個家庭、一個關係
然後我也想到了
是不是，孔子說的沒錯
一個社會的步驟就應該是
修身齊家治國平天下
最開始的沒做好，怎能完成後面的呢？
哦不，不可思議的我突然覺得老古董的話很好套用在這裡
就算讀中文系，我有時還是覺得，就思想不能完全用在現在，一定要改良
可是現在看起來，好像真能解釋了……
哦，姑且告訴自己，不去想了，夜深了，這就是古人的智慧吧！
哈哈！
心情沒第一時間寫下來，真的是浪費的！
哈哈～
不開心的事情終究要結束
老天爺啊，請你賜給我和朋友們都有面對、處理事情正面的力量
當天色變得灰暗，總要有太陽升起的。
想念台灣的一切了，包括親愛的你們，朋友。
怎麼我的家，我還要去習慣呢？
不習慣的徵兆，讓我很懊惱，很害怕感覺自己真的在外面太久了，是嗎？
Friday, July 8, 2011
再會!! (EMO+ing)
我不知道我在忙什麼，忙得好久都沒有更新！
考試週結束後就是暑假，結果暑假的第一星期我好“忙”……
星期五晚上：
中文系期末送舊家聚（溫馨+開心）
星期六中午：
改選委員檢討會議
星期一、星期二：
暑舞營（學了就忘記的國標舞其實還蠻好玩的）
星期三：
翹掉了暑舞營，跟大一聯跑去九份玩
不懂為什麼，似乎沒感到什麼只是在走路的出遊，我卻覺得很開心，謝謝雋彥撐傘啊
星期四、星期五：
就這樣前一天才決定然後一個人跑去埔里找雅鷹
謝謝雅鷹
感受到了台灣的山間生活，
我喜歡感受晚上的日月潭喜歡看看早上的日月潭
就這樣，暑假第一星期“忙”死了XD
話說回來……
我要離開台灣了……
下午3點多的飛機……
我現在還沒收拾到一半
突然間覺得先來blogging好了
剛剛前往711拿紙箱的時候，我開始EMO了
突然覺得
我要離開了，然後很捨不得一下下
很累還要收拾，不過這是犯賤的結果
大一好像就真的真的完全劃下不能修改的據點
當然，時間過去了本來就沒辦法回頭、重複
大一聯的你們，我真的覺得我會很想念你們，怎麼辦？
中毒了嗎？
漸漸的，你們像是我在台灣生活的一分子
然後我的吃喝玩樂、吐學業上的苦的大部分時間都是跟你們的……
oh no!!!
為了不影響我收拾、睡眠時間，我沒辦法一一說出我的想法
但是，真的
我有點捨不得你們
雖然感覺好像沒有離開家人那麼強烈
可是也出乎自己的意料了！
只能說
你們怎麼那麼強？@@"
回國的前夕
早上在忙申請學程的事情，結果還是把一團糟的東西submit過去
希望審核的人不要吐血並錄取我（貪心）
中午就跟磊靖、曼佳、abak、青媚、宣宇去唱K
Oh Yeah，新聚點，贊啊！
雖然曲目還是比msia少，可是整個感覺就是高級太多了！
價錢因為是平日還算相當合理
我都在亂唱，雖然會很多歌一下，因為去的都是歌唱好手
亂唱亂喊應該屬我第一，因為亂到一個點><
沒關係，開心就好=]
然後約了傑浩、謹佩去吃辣辣的印尼晚餐
爽到！～～～
我又成功讓人吃到感動到一把眼淚一把鼻涕XD
真的……
好開心！
除了吃的感動吃得開心，一起聊天也很開心
沒辦法，一個好學姐一個好學長:P
然後然後……
去師大夜市買袋子，再去吃冰
真的很感謝雋彥請客啦，超有心的，答應過就會“努力”找時間！
大丈夫一言既出……
韋小寶曰：什麼馬難追@@"
還有謹佩、艷潔、嘉寧、傑康
一起吃冰……
為什麼跟你們在一就是覺得很歡樂，就算被“欺負”……><
難怪我會捨不得吧……？
然後回到宿舍
一些事情讓我很內疚……
對不起，真的對不起，辛苦了！
哎呀
語無倫次ing
好，繼續收拾
啊～～～
真的！
怎麼那麼快一切真的就結束了！
不是，不能說時間不等我
是我犯賤
什麼事情都是這樣
該死，這就是犯賤的結果！
anyway
感謝99年度曾經一起相處的你們
啦啦啦啦～
我親愛的馬來西亞，請你和平點、公平點！
我回去過暑假的，不要給我多多嘢！
一句話：
以民為貴！
啊啊～
馬來西亞……
啊啊～
台灣……
什麼跟什麼
我真的……算了><
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
害怕的事
害怕的事情很多
在生活中真的有太多
可是不能因此而卻步
因為有時候
更害怕的是『後悔』
暑假開始了
所以呢？
煩惱也開始了
哦不，為什麼是煩惱？
因為是自找的。
為了收拾而煩惱
為了去玩而煩惱
為了蟲蟲而煩惱
為了室友而煩惱
為了……
煩惱無窮盡
haiz！
理了頭髮
去了福隆
曬了太陽
黑了皮膚
發了脾氣
丟了時間
砸了金錢
賠了精神
有了夢想
這一次……
我還要更努力
不敢規劃真的是因為害怕的事情很多
在生活中真的有太多
可是不能因此而卻步
因為有時候
更害怕的是『後悔』
暑假開始了
所以呢？
煩惱也開始了
哦不，為什麼是煩惱？
因為是自找的。
為了收拾而煩惱
為了去玩而煩惱
為了蟲蟲而煩惱
為了室友而煩惱
為了……
煩惱無窮盡
haiz！
理了頭髮
去了福隆
曬了太陽
黑了皮膚
發了脾氣
丟了時間
砸了金錢
賠了精神
有了夢想
這一次……
我還要更努力
不敢規劃真的是因為害怕的事情很多
Sunday, June 19, 2011
[just sharing]Good essay: What the Modern Woman Wants.
Singapore girl wins Commonwealth essay prize!
You will be amazed at the maturity of this 15-year old girl. It's worthwhile
taking 5 mins to read this essay.
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- 18-year-olds, has won the top
prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries...
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls'
School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece
on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled "What The Modern Woman Wants," focused on the conflict
in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-vs-West struggles and
generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,'
said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a
lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical
critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The
writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in
2000, said Britain
's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the
competition since 1883. Singaporeans also came in second in the 14 to
15-year-old category, and fourth in the under-12s. Other winners included
students from Australia , Canada and South Africa.
===================================================
What the Modern Woman Wants...
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down
the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be
kidnapped by the wind.
She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused
fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very
clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile
phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.
'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.
Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was
speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in
disapproval......
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed
agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured
fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and
hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the
forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and
handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin.
'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was
thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic
look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which
broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'
Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her
daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking',
Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to
the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her
daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in
defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost
garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof.
The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main
hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and
reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not
bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down
solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
'Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years.
Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in
this world could possibly want.
'She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too
clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich
and handsome angmoh man.
'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots
while reaping the harvest of success.
'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room
in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I
affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old
mother. It is my fault.'
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her
head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of
smoldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the
temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and
adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband
had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or
carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her
waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything
she ever wanted.
Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to
depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman,
the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become.
A woman with 'neng kan
'; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman
who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak,
precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up
and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied
her, calling her laotu, old fashioned.... She wanted her mother to be 'modern',
a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had
prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the
wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and
now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by
only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that
of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet
her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could
find happiness with much less.
When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing.
People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would
be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper
convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers
for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her
daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at
the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there –
down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of
beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshiping
porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of
ceramic to fly to her aid?
But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that
she enslaved to and worshiped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshiped counted for
nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life
out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.
The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey
stem that was on the danger of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the
east bone a final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much
that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter
outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her
daughter's face.
An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants
looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the
highway, this time not too fast as she had done before.
‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been
talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market
is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for
it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a
perfect one in Orchard Road
. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid
of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard.
'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once
the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully
lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be
space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for
you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home
and a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.
'I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with
gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you,
you'd be happier
there. You'd be happier there, really.' her daughter repeated as if to affirm
herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly
to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from
a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat,
letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma,' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is
everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done.
'Yes' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,'
she added more quietly.
‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I
already got the maid to pack your things.'
Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated.
Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier...
She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of
happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted;
money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the
message, still beaming from ear to ear.
'Stock 10% increase.'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for
the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in
the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.
You will be amazed at the maturity of this 15-year old girl. It's worthwhile
taking 5 mins to read this essay.
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- 18-year-olds, has won the top
prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries...
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls'
School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece
on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled "What The Modern Woman Wants," focused on the conflict
in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-vs-West struggles and
generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,'
said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a
lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical
critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The
writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in
2000, said Britain
's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the
competition since 1883. Singaporeans also came in second in the 14 to
15-year-old category, and fourth in the under-12s. Other winners included
students from Australia , Canada and South Africa.
===================================================
What the Modern Woman Wants...
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down
the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be
kidnapped by the wind.
She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused
fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very
clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile
phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.
'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.
Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was
speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in
disapproval......
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed
agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured
fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and
hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the
forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and
handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin.
'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was
thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic
look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which
broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'
Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her
daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking',
Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to
the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her
daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in
defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost
garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof.
The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main
hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and
reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not
bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down
solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
'Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years.
Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in
this world could possibly want.
'She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too
clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich
and handsome angmoh man.
'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots
while reaping the harvest of success.
'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room
in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I
affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old
mother. It is my fault.'
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her
head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of
smoldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the
temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and
adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband
had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or
carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her
waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything
she ever wanted.
Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to
depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman,
the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become.
A woman with 'neng kan
'; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman
who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak,
precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up
and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied
her, calling her laotu, old fashioned.... She wanted her mother to be 'modern',
a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had
prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the
wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and
now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by
only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that
of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet
her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could
find happiness with much less.
When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing.
People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would
be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper
convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers
for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her
daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at
the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there –
down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of
beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshiping
porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of
ceramic to fly to her aid?
But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that
she enslaved to and worshiped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshiped counted for
nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life
out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.
The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey
stem that was on the danger of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the
east bone a final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much
that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter
outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her
daughter's face.
An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants
looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the
highway, this time not too fast as she had done before.
‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been
talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market
is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for
it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a
perfect one in Orchard Road
. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid
of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard.
'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once
the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully
lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be
space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for
you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home
and a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.
'I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with
gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you,
you'd be happier
there. You'd be happier there, really.' her daughter repeated as if to affirm
herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly
to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from
a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat,
letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma,' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is
everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done.
'Yes' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,'
she added more quietly.
‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I
already got the maid to pack your things.'
Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated.
Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier...
She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of
happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted;
money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the
message, still beaming from ear to ear.
'Stock 10% increase.'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for
the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in
the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
[日月] 天 會 更 好·屬於我們的考前不眠夜
2011.06.16
這是我們的不眠夜
不把期末擺在眼前的不眠夜
雋彥
曾貞
億佳
艷潔
玉玲
德光
子傑
亮吟
鮮慧
康壯
宗量
坤賢
均豪
怡慧
為了什麼讓我們有個瘋狂的不眠夜
原本的目標已經不重要了
看不見的月全食
看不見的日出
我們不難過
因為
我們看見不一樣的青春！
話說原本是真的打算看月全食
據說全亞洲無論各地都看到，而且這次不看要等7年後
2011.06.16
0220
我們在總圖前面
一群沒耐性的小伙子
打算先去看螢火蟲
|
| @台大農場…（像有雪花XD） |
螢火蟲是有看到幾隻
月亮說他不熬夜，躲在雲後面睡覺了
於是
我們決定去後山看日出
2011.06.16
0400(+-)
凌晨的台北
在不健康的時間我們一起做很健康的運動：
摸黑爬上福州山公園，到頂端
NON-STOP，開始流汗+喘氣
雋彥像是帶著小孩們的爸爸，走在前面
真的有爸爸的feel，結果大家都叫他爸爸XD
還有可愛的兔子造型手電筒
我們抹黑，真的是看著木製的樓梯，我有點害怕
前面好暗，像是在探險，不知道前面會發生什麼事情
路途中我們停下來拍照
也在擔心，會不會就冒出什麼影子
為什麼年輕人就是年輕人？
毫無計劃的，什麼也沒準備
就這樣夾著人字拖
一群人一起，從小山腳走到了小山頂
我們想要等日出
我也在等，20歲以後在台北看的日出
誰叫這是我滿20以後第一件瘋狂的事情。
其實我們都很累
其實我們還有期末考
其實我們還有很多在排隊的報告
可是我們此時此刻
就在小山頂上打擾2對閃光
然後席地而休息、聊天……
就這樣，天還是在毫不察覺的情況下亮了。
此時此刻
2011.06.16
0500(+-)
從天黑到天亮
我們……
對
是瘋狂的我們
看不見日出的過程
天在不知不覺中亮了。
早安，台北。
才5點多。
我想起遠方的馬來西亞，
這時候大概鄉下的人已經起床
或是伊斯蘭教徒也起床準備做功課了。
我們還是決定在合影後
下山面對期末的現實
沒有辦法
瘋狂只是為了展現青春和熱血
但正因為我們的青春也不是只為了玩
我們還要學習、考試
一整夜沒睡覺
很明顯，我的臉寫著：累
貞，你在幹嘛呢？哈
下山之前
為了讓我們的瘋狂、熱血、青春
更有朝氣和力量
我們一起為自己打氣
期末
加油加油加油！
我們要回宿舍咯！
總覺得這張照片會說話
他在告訴我們
這班熱血的青年
他們是可愛俏皮有活力的大一聯
說好的月全市、日出都看不到
沒關係
我們看見了我們的青春！
真的～
買不到新鮮的台大牛奶沒關係
爆肝了，也沒關係
那股熱血
在我們的體內來回串流著
也流到了FB來
先是宗量，再來是艷潔、子傑、玉玲、德光……
還有我：
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